The Writing was on the Tree
“No name-calling truly bites deep unless, in some dark part of us, we believe it. If we are confident enough, then it is just noise.” ― Laurell K. Hamilton
Hi, I am Ross and according to the above tree carving I am a c#@t!
I’ve always welcomed feedback. Negative feedback is particularly effective in being able to monitor leadership effectiveness and performance. It can be hard to take and how do you distinguish between what’s objective and what could be more nefarious in nature. As you can see, I was the recipient of some direct and unusual feedback. The ‘direct’ is self-explanatory from the photograph. Unusual in terms of content and delivery. The above tree carving was left as a message to me or possibly a warning to others. It was a deliberate act, the person responsible knew I would be there after him. Why would someone I barely know go to these lengths. and was he correct?
Most of my working life has been spent in an organisation that provided regular performance feedback. Amongst my peers that would often be direct. There have been a few times where I have been left in no doubt about the error of my ways and what needed to change. Often hard to hear but always with the intent to make me better. It would be given to me by those I lived and worked with, those I respected, those that expected a standard to be met. I was always grateful for the advice, even if it was delivered in a forthright and direct manner.
Although the tree carving was an odd delivery method. What was more unusual was that I had no history with this person, had never been responsible for, or worked with them. We didn’t share the same background or come from the same organisation. I knew his nickname and very little else about him. He most likely spent more time carving the tree than we ever spent in each other’s company. Yet he still felt compelled to make such a visceral statement and risk his own reputation. So why did he do it, how did I react, and how did this make me feel.
First, and crucially, I didn’t react. A younger, less experienced, version of myself would have been outraged by this. I would’ve wasted hours brooding over it, running pointless scenarios over and over in my head for weeks after on what I’d like to do or say in reply. I didn’t do that. I could’ve reacted in kind and used my own professional network to warn people about this individual, but what would that achieve. A petty act that would prove his assessment of me correct. Revenge is a dish best not served.
I am a strong advocate that there is a positive in every situation. Sometimes the benefits are obvious, in others you may need to look a bit harder and cut through the garbage but the positive is there to be discovered. Instead of reacting, I took the time for a deliberate response.
First, I had to accept that he might be right. At the very least he believed he was. There was only one instance where our paths crossed, which simplified this self-reflection. It was a time of some consternation but not between the two of us. It wasn’t the first time I had found myself in a difficult or complex situation. I’ve had to make tough decisions before. When you do the right thing, you will inspire some and upset others. I know a few people who have not agreed with some of my decisions in the past and would likely agree with this character assessment. A leader needs to create an environment where others are comfortable to challenge without fear of repercussion. The effective leader must also hold enough respect that when a decision is made then even those opposed are able to support the decision. If after reasonable thought and discussion a party is still unable to support a decision, then the best option, for all involved, is to part ways.
Leadership isn’t a popularity contest; at some point you will have to deal with conflicting opinions. Some people will always support you, others will never. The majority won’t care either way and will judge you only on a situation at any one time, specifically if it affects them. All we can do is to try and do the right thing. The only person we need to truly reconcile with is our own reflection. Incidentally, being unpopular isn’t an indicator of a good leader. I believe that I am fortunate enough to hold a favourable reputation with most, I’ve enjoyed success in life and continue to do so. This is where the writing on the tree held a positive for me.
During Roman Triumph parades the victorious General would lead his army through the streets to the adulation of the citizens. Riding on the chariot with the General would be a Centurion. As the crowds cheered the Centurion would whisper in the Generals ear “remember, thou art mortal.” This was to keep the General grounded and not get carried away by his success. This tree carving was my Centurion. Instead of detrimentally obsessing over the act or the individual, instead of avoiding or removing the carving I made sure to look at it every day. When leaving the location I kept a photograph, a reminder that no matter how well things might be going there was at least one person out there who wasn’t a fan, and I could always do better.
The carving wasn’t left with the intention of maintaining standards and I certainly don’t have any respect for the individual. However, like those in the past who had my best interests at heart this unconventional feedback was used to the same effect. Noticing the difference in how I may have previously reacted compared to how I did respond showed me how I’ve changed, grown, and developed over the years. Having this carved on a tree isn’t something I wanted. How I responded was my choice. I chose not to be angry but to accept and learn from it, to find the value in it.
I am still none the wiser to what I did for this person to hold such a low opinion of me. As a friend pointed out, he gave me a ‘star’ and stars are generally a good thing. Or maybe it was a rating. In which case I am only a ‘one-star c#@t’ and by my reckoning we all can be that to someone at some point. That’s not something to aim for but something to expect in life.
Was he right? well he certainly believes so and it’s not for me to say otherwise. That opinion is the reserve of others and rightly so. There are a few people in my life that I have a care what they think of me, this person isn’t one of them. All I and any of us can do is to try and do the right thing, consistently strive for excellence, and to learn from every situation.
Are you concerned what people think of you, that they may be unfairly judging you? If none of the above is helpful or provides you any insight then, has anyone carved in 10 cm high letters on a tree that you’re a c#@t. No, then you’re probably doing ok.
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