Are you Hurt or Injured
“It sounds simple telling people to work and never quit, but to really execute and demonstrate those principles takes discipline and faith.” – Nipsey Hussle
It’s early Spring in the late 1990’s, the days were still short, and the sun wasn’t giving up much heat. I was days in to the second week of an aptitude program, stood on the edge of a lake waiting to enter the cold murky waters. Cold, tired, hungry, my muscles ached, and my body and mind were battered and fatigued under the relentless tasks we were invited to complete. A sergeant, the course Chief Instructor, appeared on our flank and began to give a speech. He told us how he was on his second (failed) marriage, how nothing and no one was more important than the organisation we were attempting to join. He may have been right, but this motivational chat didn’t inspire me. This image wasn’t part of my future vision. I was in the second year of my marriage with a new family. Divorce and separate parenting weren’t part of my plan, I quit!
Very quickly I knew I’d done the wrong thing. I was already part of an organisation that is renowned for its values and standards, arduous training were not new to me. Quitting wasn’t something we did; the mission comes first and must be achieved. It appeared that I still had some development to do. Mindset is shown in our actions not our words. That motivational speech had given me the excuse I needed to pacify the complaining voice in my head. The one we all have, the one that tells us to take the easy path, to stay in bed and not go for that run, to not ask for that pay rise, to not take a chance, the one that lies to us, so we never have to face our fears. I was suffering mentally and hurting physically but didn’t have to quit. I could’ve completed the remaining few days of the aptitude and then decide that failed marriages and broken homes weren’t for me. I might have even realised by then that didn’t have to be my story.
I’d been foolish and felt terrible, ashamed. I’d let myself down, my family down and what would everybody else think, what would they say. It was a decision that preyed heavily on my mind, eating away at my self-confidence. I was fortunate though and given another chance to attempt the aptitude, to lay those ghosts to bed and then attend the course. I did better this time. Of the 120 that started the course, 40 remained to progress onto the next phase. It was hard, it was meant to be. The voice encouraging me to quit would still show up but was easier to ignore. The pain of quitting had been stronger than anything experienced on course to date, quitting was harder. As it turned out I didn’t pass the course, withdrawn on medical grounds. The disappointment of being unsuccessful was still there but this time it had been circumstance out with my control. I had been injured not simply hurting. I didn’t know it at the time but ahead of me lay a continued career that would stretch over two further decades. Times that I would continue to be tried and tested, times where I would, on occasions, be literally fighting for my life. What I did know now was that never again would I voluntary quit, on anything and I was a better person for the whole experience. At the least I’d improved my professional knowledge and mind set.
For the remainder of my career, and to this day, determination is a quality I aspire to and encourage in others. “Winners never quit, and quitters never win.”, “If you want to succeed then simply don’t quit.”, “You don’t quit when you’re tired, you quit when the job is done.” I’ve probably used these and other such platitudes over the years and what’s more I believe them. Recently though this mindset was challenged.
Jenny Tough is a renowned adventure athlete, explorer, author, the list goes on. Not quite matched in length by her accolades and achievements to date. In a recent Instagram post she wrote; “I don’t regret my choice to not quit, but I know I spent a few days in the Transylvanian Alps really wishing I was a strong enough person to make the decision to quit,…” Here was someone who repeatedly faced adversity and challenges and, I believe it fair to say is, someone who possesses a ‘never quit’ mindset publicly stating that she wasn’t strong enough to quit! Did I have a skewed opinion on quitting and quitters, was it after all a quality to admire in someone? A decision that required an inner strength. An attitude that showed you were strong enough not to be influenced by what others might say or think. To be resilient enough to deal with the consequences; Jenny Tough questioned if she was.
If you’re plan isn’t working, if you’re doing something and repeatedly coming up short or getting the same failed results, which is practically the definition of madness, then quitting should be a serious, sensible option. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean quitting on your goal, your mission. It might simply mean that you’re taking the wrong approach. That’s the premises behind Ryan Holiday’s book ‘The Obstacle is the Way’. The very thing that’s stopping you can force you to find a successful solution. Maybe you just need stop, take a step back, detach yourself and assess the situation. You have been too focused on the problem to be aware of the options and potential solution. In my military career this was known as ‘taking a condor moment’. I’d also encourage others to ‘know themselves’, understand their capabilities, their strengths and weaknesses. To consider the consequences of their actions. Whatever it is we do in life we should have freedom to do as we wish without fear of repercussions so long as it isn’t causing harm to ourselves or others.
Quitting isn’t a good habit to start or a character trait to covet, but I concede that there are times when it is a realistic choice and good course of action. It requires a deep understanding and a strength of mind to quit under the right circumstances; are you hurt or are you injured? Will continuing your current course cause irreparable damage to yourself or others. If it can be endured, then endure it.
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